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I read a post on Facebook that for some reason made me think of something completely different, but still related. My brain works in mysterious ways, just as it is claimed that God does (am I God?), so I landed on the issue of this feel-sorry-for-the-syndrome.
Feel sorry for-the syndrome is very closely linked to the swedish goodness syndrome. The Swedish people are good people. We take care of others, we share, we helps the one who needs it (even those who do not even ask for help). We feel a little sorry for those who are not like us, and takes the opportunity to inform that our way of being is a bit, lite (very!) better, and if you want to be like us, you should do this.
We do not think so pity about someone, we think it's a little embarrassing instead. The less choice the person in question has about becoming more like us, the more embarrassing it is. This is so deeply rooted in the Swedish mentality that I think most people do not even see it for themselves. As people, in other words. Maybe not even as individuals, although hopefully there are some who see through the hypocrisy.
This too to feel sorry for is an attitude we must get rid of. It's incredibly flattering – not for the one who feels sorry for, without for us who feel sorry for. This applies to both Sweden and the country, and us as individuals. To feel sorry for is to look down on someone. It is to take away someone's control and power, it is to put oneself in a role of guardian and see oneself as a little, lite (very!) better. It's incredibly arrogant, rude and extremely diminishing to assume that we are the ones who know best – especially in the case of others.
Because believe me when I say that; you / I / we do not always know best.
There are some different groups that are particularly affected by this feel-sorry syndrome. Immigrant, women, people with disabilities, cultural workers, sex workers, mentally ill, financially vulnerable, and many, many more. Each group seems a little sorry, and both as a society and as individuals, we take the liberty of having audible and visible opinions about how these groups should live in order to better fit in..
Not enough that we are so good Here in Sweden, that we feel so sorry for so many groups and individuals – we are also terribly narrow-minded. Everything that is not our way, everything that is different, is worth feeling sorry for or a little ashamed of.
We are ashamed of the sex workers, because they so obviously cannot choose the right one for themselves in this life. We are ashamed of the disabled who may not be able to walk, we are ashamed of the cultural workers because they have not known enough to train for something they actually make money on, we are ashamed that someone loves a person we ourselves could never imagine loving – and so on in all infinity.
We can somehow do not imagine that it can be ok to live in a way that we ourselves do not. In my world, it is extremely narrow-minded and single-track – and actually really fucking embarrassing. I am ashamed on behalf of all of us and Sweden as a country when it comes to this very mentality.
We have a tendency to depress people through our feel-sorry-for-spirit. Feeling sorry for someone is not constructive. In practice, forcing individuals to use violence against themselves in order to become like us is not constructive, it's not nice, it's just not the way to do it.
And, besides us Here in Sweden, of course. Because we insist on feeling sorry for all those who are not or act like us, or we are ashamed that they do not fit. Our tunnel vision makes us completely unable to accept that the whole world does not revolve around Sweden, that we are not a role model for the rest of all people and animals on earth. But we want to believe that, and we act on that conviction.
As self-righteous, complacent narcissists without any self-insight, we believe we can tell the whole world our truth about how everything should look and work. Embarrassing.