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I take the liberty of writing another post about this with eating habits and why I eat LCHF. Why? Because I've spent several days feeling like crap, and I have an extremely hard time deciding if it's because I cheated earlier this week, or if I have actually managed to get sick.
I started eating LCHF den 2 July 2015, if I remember correctly. Then I had a lifelong sugar- and food addiction behind me. My eating habits were disastrous, I squeezed in lots of sugar daily (I dare not tell you how much, because it's grotesque), I had gained an enormous amount of excess weight, and I did not feel well at all, neither physically nor mentally. There were other reasons for my mental state – after all, I have a bipolar diagnosis (although I now question it), and my approach to food did not make things better.
Eating LCHF is for me the only thing that has helped me with my sugar addiction. That's the only thing that has made me now have no problem passing ice cream- and the candy counters in a store without feeling jealous. I still have problems with overeating, which means I can not cook – but I can live with that. It's ok to cook every day, after all, it's just me who's going to eat, so it's not very hard.
Under my dad's last (just over) six months, in the autumn 2016 to my own birthday 2017, I deviated in part from LCHF. But the day after my birthday, I started in earnest again. Since then, I have allowed myself to cheat maybe three times a year. At some point, I ate pizza, and several other times I have eaten cheesecake. It has worked. It has not even felt like hiccups – only a deliberate deviation at a time, and then back in business.
I never have so far been involved in feeling as physically ill as I have done this time. In my latest post I'm telling you about the cheesecake, the whipped cream with fresh mango (which should have been super tasty but which was shitty), and actually the sausage that I forgot to write about. I started to get tricky in my stomach and a little nauseous, which lasted for just over a day. After that, I also slept very crazy, far too little and very irregular. Plus I have been eating very badly all week. Last Tuesday I ate food, not on Wednesday. I decided that if I necessarily have to feel bad because I eat badly, I want to finish it. So I squeezed in the gingerbread cookies I bought – because I'm going to challenge myself to eat gingerbread. I have not eaten gingerbread for several years, so you understand the allure.
So now have I spent about four days feeling crap. I am completely exhausted in both body and skull. Three days without yoga – because I really can not stand. It feels like I have a fever, but I'm not at all sure I actually have it.
And I can not at all determine if this is because I'm actually sick, or if it's because I've been so horrible with the food.
I'm bent to think it depends on the food, but I am not sure. What I can say is that today I have eaten sensibly, as I should, and like this in the wee hours, I start to feel a little more sensible. I'm still exhausted, but not quite as I was earlier today, yesterday or the day before yesterday.
But despite I feel so crappy, I think something good will come out of this anyway. I'm learning something from it all. I will not allow myself such small deviations. It's just liking the situation and realizing that there are certain things I should not get involved in. I already know that there are some foods I can not eat (due to food abuse – I can not stop); for example, dairy products in addition to the butter I use, sausages and a few other goodies. And now I really know that. And with the gingerbread cookies, I can say that I thought I could control myself.
I lied to myself. I could not control myself at all.
And now know I it. I vet that I should not challenge myself in this way again. I have felt bad in more ways than I thought possible. Both the body and the skull were beaten by this. So from now on there will be no deviations or slips at all. Because I simply do not feel good about it. And considering how spoiled I have been now for several years with actually feeling good about my eating, it's really not worth the risk.
Right now hope I just that what-it-is-now-that-I-feel-sick-of, whether it's because of the food or something else, brings with it soon. Because I'm so extremely rarely sick, and it's so insanely hard to walk around and feel so crappy.
Then I want to say to the one who wonders; this is not a hit-me-myself post. This is just purely concrete what I have learned from this experience, and it is that I have no desire at all to feel like this. So I'm going to stick to the usual, quite boring the food I eat. Because believe me, I eat quite sad. It's pretty much the same all the time. Of course it tastes good, but it's nothing I attach myself to in particular. And that's how I want it. For someone like me, the food needs to be pretty dull – I want it to taste ok, that I get measured and get in me what I need. That’s it. It should not be more than that.
And so hope I that I feel better in the body so that I can get started with yoga again. I do not like when there are such involuntary breaks. For every day that goes by without yoga, it will receive more and more before getting started again. And I want to do it, because my yoga also happens to be something that is very good for me, and I want to keep the good habit. ♥